Notes by Doug Muder (1997)

"What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one. … This tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness." [pages 16-17]

"Let us teach ourselves and our children the means of achieving mental and spiritual health. By this I mean let us teach … the necessity of suffering and the value thereof, the need to face problems directly and the pain involved." [page 17]

"In summary, for children to develop the capacity to delay gratification, it is necessary for them to have self-disciplined role models, a sense of self-worth, and a degree of trust in the safety of their existence. These 'possessions' are ideally acquired through the self-discipline and consistent, genuine caring of their parents; they are the most precious gifts of themselves that mothers and fathers can bequeath. When these gifts have not been proffered by one's parents, it is possible to acquire them from other sources, but in that case the process of the acquisition is invariably an uphill struggle, often of lifelong duration and often unsuccessful." [page 26]

"To willingly confront a problem early, before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means to put aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful." [page 31]

"Most people who come to see a psychiatrist are suffering from what is called either a neurosis or a character disorder. Put most simply, these two conditions are disorders of responsibility. … The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough. … Few of us can escape being neurotic or character-disordered to at least some degree. … The reason for this is that the problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for is one of the greatest problems of human existence. It is never completely solved." [page 35-37]

"One of the roots of this 'sense of impotence' in the majority of patients is some desire to partially or totally escape the pain of freedom, and therefore some failure, partial or total, to accept responsibility for their problems and their lives. They feel impotent because they have, in fact, given their power away. Sooner or later, if they are to be healed, they must learn that the entirety of one's adult life is a series of personal choices, decisions. If they can accept this totally, then they become free people. To the extent that they do not accept this they will forever feel themselves victims." [pages 43-44]

"What happens when one has striven long and hard to develop a working view of the world, a seemingly useful, working map, and then is confronted with new information suggesting that that view is wrong, and the map needs to be largely redrawn? The painful effort required seems frightening, almost overwhelming. What we do more often than not, and usually unconsciously, is to ignore the new information. … We may actually crusade against it, and even manipulate the world so as to make it conform to our view of reality." [pages 45-46]

"We can revise our maps only when we have the discipline to overcome that pain. To have such discipline, we must be totally dedicated to truth. That is to say that we must always hold truth, as best we can determine it, to be more important, more vital to our self-interest, than our comfort. Conversely, we must always consider our personal discomfort relatively unimportant and, indeed, even welcome it in the service of the search for truth." [page 50] This attitude, in my observation, tends to bias a person towards negative, disagreeable world views. People will often fight tooth and nail against the realization that life is easier than they thought it was. This is a large part of the "resistance to grace" that Peck finds so puzzling later in the book.

"What does a life of total dedication to the truth mean? It means, …a life of continuous and never-ending stringent self-examination, … a life of willingness to be personally challenged, … a life of total honesty." [pages 51- 55]

"The reason people lie is to avoid the pain of challenge and its consequence. … Insofar as the challenge is legitimate (and it usually is), lying is an attempt to circumvent legitimate suffering and hence is productive of mental illness." [pages 55-56]

"Courageous people must continually push themselves to be completely honest, yet must also possess the capacity to withhold the whole truth when appropriate. To be free people we must assume total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is not truly ours. To be organized and efficient, to live wisely, we must daily delay gratification and keep an eye on the future; yet to live joyously we must also possess the capacity, when it is not destructive, to live in the present and act spontaneously. In other words, discipline itself must be disciplined. The type of discipline required to discipline discipline is what I call balancing." [page 64]

"A final word on the discipline of balancing and its essence of giving up. You cannot give up anything you have not already gotten. … You must forge for yourself an identity before you can give it up. You must develop an ego before you can lose it." [page 76]

"So, if your goal is to avoid pain and escape suffering, I would not advise you to seek higher levels of consciousness or spiritual evolution. First, you cannot achieve them without suffering, and second, insofar as you do achieve them, you are likely to be called on to serve in ways more painful to you, or at least demanding of you, than you can now imagine. Then why desire to evolve at all, you may ask. If you ask this question, perhaps you do not know enough of joy." [page 76]

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