12. Affection

"One of the chief causes of lack of zest is the feeling that one is unloved, whereas conversely the feeling of being loved promotes zest more than anything else does." [page 137] Unfortunately, considering the importance of affection to happiness, this chapter is almost completely descriptive rather than prescriptive. Russell describes the types of affection and evaluates their effects, but gives little advice about how to either give or get higher quality affection.

"The man ... who endeavors to purchase affection by benevolent actions becomes disillusioned by experience of human ingratitude. It never occurs to him that the affection which he is trying to buy is of far more value than the material benefits which he offers as its price, and yet the feeling that this is so is the basis of his actions." [pages 137-138]

"The child whose parents are fond of him accepts their affection as a law of nature. He does not think very much about it, although it is of great importance to his happiness. He thinks about the world, about the adventures that come his way and the more marvelous adventures that will come his way when he is grown up. ... By no means all affection, however, has this effect in encouraging adventurousness. ... The timid mother or nurse, who is perpetually warning children against disasters that may occur ... may cause them to feel that they are never safe except in her immediate neighborhood." [pages 139-140] "To define the best kind of affection is not altogether easy, since clearly there will be some protective element in it. ... I think, however, that apprehension of misfortune, as opposed to sympathy with a misfortune that has actually occurred, should play as small a part as possible in affection. Fear for others is only a shade better than fear for ourselves. Moreover, it is very often camouflage for possessiveness." [pages 140-141]

Some affection is given freely, but some is the result of insecurity. "In the best kind of affection a man hopes for a new happiness rather than for escape from an old unhappiness." [page 142]