13. Dealing with Anger and Hatred

This chapter takes the general ideas of the previous chapter and applies them to the specific negative states of anger and hatred. The Dalai Lama recognizes that sometimes anger can provide energy that a person can use for a constructive purpose, but "that energy is also blind, so it is uncertain whether it will become constructive or destructive in the end. ... Generally speaking, anger leads to ill-feeling and hatred. And as far as hatred is concerned, it is never positive." [page 249]

One fights anger and hatred by cultivating their antidotes: patience and tolerance. The beginning of this cultivation is to raise enthusiasm around gaining patience and tolerance. "Letting it out" as a strategy for dealing with anger or hatred can be useful occasionally, but "generally speaking, hatred and anger are the type of emotions which, if you leave them unchecked or unattended, tend to aggravate and keep on increasing. If you simply get more and more used to letting them happen and just keep expressing them, this usually results in their growth, not their reduction. ... The only factor that can give you refuge or protection from the destructive effects of anger and hatred is your practice of tolerance and patience. ... If you respond to situations with anger and hatred, not only does it not protect you from the injury or harm that has already been done to you ... but on top of that you create an additional cause for your own suffering in the future. However, if you respond to an injury with patience and tolerance, then although you may face temporary discomfort and hurt, you will still avoid the potentially dangerous long-term consequences." [pages 252-256]

"True tolerance or patience has a component or element of self-discipline and restraint -- the realization that you could have acted otherwise, you could have adopted a more aggressive approach, but decided not to do so. On the other hand, being forced to adopt a certain passive response out of a feeling of helplessness or incapacitation -- that I wouldn't call genuine humility. That may be a kind of meekness, but it isn't genuine tolerance." [pages 257-258]

"I believe, however, that you can take a strong stand and even take strong countermeasures out of a feeling of compassion, or a sense of concern for the other, rather than out of anger. ... One of the reasons why there is a need to adopt a very strong countermeasure against someone is that if you let it pass ... then there is a danger of that person's habituating in a very negative way, which, in reality, will cause that individual's own downfall." [page 258]

The chapter ends with two meditations on anger.

"An end result, or a product of patience and tolerance, is forgiveness. When you are truly patient and tolerant, then forgiveness comes naturally." [page 259]